By Andrew Boden, Manager, Prospect Research & Strategy, Simon Fraser University
Editor’s Note: Andrew takes us on a humorous ride as he shares some of the more bizarre requests he and fellow peers have encountered – a few which evoke sentiments many of us can identify with. That said, as prospect researchers, we are all guided by APRA’s code of ethics which help define and shape our professional conduct and daily interactions.
If you've worked in prospect research for any length of time, you quickly become familiar with research requests that strike level-headed, sensible shoe-wearing researchers as odd, strange and sometimes downright bizarre.
Below are few examples that I've either encountered personally or heard other researchers have dealt with in their research shops. I’ve shown how I dealt with the ones asked of me and how I would have dealt with the ones asked of others. As I'm from that often underrated managerial school that says earnest, professionalism only goes so far in the sometimes wacky world of fundraising, I've also included a few zanier suggestions. Prospect research, too, can be a source of self-amusement.
All names have been altered and are of course, fictional.
Curious Requests
Curious Request #1: Wealthy industrialist, Frodo Aragorn, is taking me on a trip in his private jet. Can you tell me if he's married?
Andrew: This is for work, isn't it? Our focus, as you know, remains on research for cultivation and solicitation meetings.
Fundraiser: Andrew, I'm married -- there's only so much I'll do for the university.
Andrew: But we know that the jet-setting Mr. Aragorn has wealth, linkage and a vast history of philanthropic giving, why would you need to know if he's married for your plane trip?
Fundraiser: In case, you know....
Andrew: He's married to his first wife. Happily. FOREVER.
Curious Request #2: I need to know everything you can find out about this rich prospect in China. Last name, Wang.
Andrew: No problem. What's his first name?
Fundraiser: No idea. Can you find out?
Andrew: Of course, we want to ensure that we pinpoint the right person. Would you have any additional information such as a job title, address or anything else we can use to identify him? Otherwise, I fear we'll get the wrong person and we wouldn't want to waste your time.
Fundraiser: Aren't you the researcher?
There are numerous, career-tanking responses, but generally I'll say something like, "Right, I'm on it," then do little, wait a few hours or days and then break the bad news to them.
Of course, if you feel secure in your job and life, why not say something such as, "I have good news and bad news. First the good news: out of the 84.4 million (or substitute any other number that feels right) people in China with the last name Wang, I found the right guy. The bad news, according to my Google Translate version of his website, it turns out he's taken up a vow of poverty, given away all his money and joined a Taoist Temple in Pingyao."
Remember to look super sincere.
Curious request #3: Can you find out who some of Sam Baggins business partners are? I don’t want to know the details, if they're involved in shady things.
This one was asked of a prospect research colleague. If I or my research team discovers something untoward about a prospect, we always disclose it. Always. Our team will also tell fundraisers up front, too, that we always disclose what we find fully, as we don't want our charitable organization to be embarrassed by "shady" donations. When we come across something untoward, we will verbally brief the fundraiser, too. It's very good to know your organizations policies in this area and be able to quote them in a mildly stern voice.
Of course, if you're in to practical jokes at work, it is fun to make up some offbeat stories about prospects and give them to your fundraisers. If it's April 1, why not just make up some fake A-list prospects and email them to your fundraising colleagues?
Curious request #4: Can you find out if Bobby Sauron is married and likes women? I think he's been intimate with one of my former colleagues.
Other than his marital status and some information about his spouse, how is this relevant? You could ask, of course, but in your heart-of-hearts would you really want to know? You might weep afterwards. Or drink too much, say something you might regret. Of course, if you've been on the verge of losing it for months and plan to quit and move to Inuvik anyway, it could be high time for a vein-popping rant a la John Cleese. If you're a true dyed-in-the-wool veteran, you've probably been researching your rant for months or years, storing up all those little bizarre moments in your Pearl Harbor file, waiting to drop them in the lap of a fundraiser who asks you a question like the one above. Maybe you've been secretly hoping for this moment, too.
You may be new to research and this is the first time you've ever heard such a curious request. The earnest, professional thing is to say something such as "I can find out if he's married, but it's beyond the scope of my resources to identify his, uh, tastes."
Now, if you're feeling secure, why not embellish? Why not cast a conspiratorial glance over your shoulder and draw your fundraiser in a little closer. In a low, serious voice say, "It's not women he likes…”
Andrew has worked in the prospect research field for 13 years. He doesn't expect to be a major giving prospect anytime soon.